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You HAVE No Rights! 800 503 6693

DICKLESS TRACY COP by DAY, LAW STUDENT by NIGHT I'm sick and fucking tired of locking guys like you up, one minute, and then seeing you out on the street, the next. So until I have the sheepskin and connections to put worthless, waste-of-space fucktards like you away for good, I'm a one-woman Justice system! If you haven't done anything wrong, you got nuthin' to be afraid of, punk. Step over here. I've got a few questions I want to ask you... INTERROGATION ROOM Click Here

MISS VALERIE MOON is CAPTIVATING And Inordinately Fond of Unnecessary Searches & Seizures Life isn't fair, and Justice is on the take. Thus, She picks up the slack. Balances a scale, here and there. Cleans the occasional clock. TO PAY FOR YOUR SINS Click Here

the Power of Absolution... 800 503 6693

Justice Moves Hotly 800 503 6693

ERIKA, ESQUIRE: NEGOTIATION & ARBITRATION A NATURAL BORN DIPLOMAT [the unofficial definition for which is: one who can tell you to go to Hell and make you look forward to the trip] Erika has a special gift for making everybody happy, and from her elegant but iron fist flows a graceful and serene authority. She is always in control, and she knows your needs better than even you. She will teach you the art of -- shall we say "compromise?" Or crush you like an insignificant arachnoid. Resistance is futile, darling boy... LEGAL ADULT SERVICES Click Here

BLAIR, ESQUIRE: SHE'S CRIMINAL! She'll hang you out to dry and then she'll save your sorry ass...send you up the river and then finagle a full pardon...push you over the edge and then just before you hit bottom snap you to heights you've never known -- before sending you crashing right back to the depths, again and again, like a pathetic little paddle-ball. And, always, Lady Justice turns a blind eye. Enjoy the roller-coaster ride, scumley! LEGAL ADULT SERVICES Click Here

Senior Partner in Crime 800 503 6693

Always Here for You, Baby. 800 503 6693

HOTLINE GODDESS AVA is MOONLIGHTING 'Cause She Can't Get Enough of That Emergency Stuff Don't be scared, darlin'. We all have your best interests at heart [somewhere deep, deep, deep down inside]. Treat me right, and when everyone else is finished with you I'll wipe you down, dry your tears, kiss it where it hurts, and help you forget the nightmares. I'm your guardian angel, baby. Nobody takes care of you like I do, lambykins... IN CASE OF EMERGENCY ONLY! Click Here